In case you didn’t know… I need it.
In the computer lab, the teacher’s absent and we’re left to deal with our own devices. On the far end of the room, the boys are delighting in, what else, some trivial shooting game. To my immediate right are Izaq, Mina, Richelle and Danice who are… FaceBooking, of course. No surprise there. The remainder of the class is busy actually finishing off our Computer project which must involve two stick figures in mortal combat, a cheesy and overly clichéd moral story with the likes of Aesop’s Fables and a bouncing smiley face. Oh, joy.
Today is Day 5 of music-MSN-Fall-Out-Boy-Internet-Twitter-and-all-things-that-could-possibly-kick-
boredom-out-of-the-window deprivation. I’m still grounded, my parents and I aren’t on speaking terms at all (well, my mom isn’t, she’s still pretty pissed off about me getting piercings without her say so and the only attempt of conversation she’s made so far was asking me to eat my vegetables, I knew she couldn’t resist) and my house is basically a two storey prison cell with my very own mom and dad as the wardens. I could really die here; I’m not being a drama queen!
I have no idea how much longer I can take living without my daily dose of music. Honestly, if they’re trying to kill me, they’re doing one hell of a job.
I want my freaking life back! I want to go back to normal. Although at this point, I’m not even sure what ‘normal’ means to me. ‘Normal’ would mean lying awake in bed every night, musing about the pros and cons of breathing. ‘Normal’ would mean surreptitiously falling asleep every single day of school. ‘Normal’ would mean failing to get the desired A’s for tests. ‘Normal’ would mean tearing up in frustration about every single thing that’s been happening for the past four months. This isn’t even normal, not anymore.
For heaven’s sake, I just want everything to be okay. Everything’s already damn hard without having my parents jumping down my neck, attempting to fix me up while actually making me worse. I want my life back six months ago. Just like a pill, instead of making me better, you keep making me ill.
Labels: people, personal things, school
10: 05 pm
Waiting outside the mall for my mom. It is sort of wicked to hang out alone here, give myself some “me time”.
10:06 pm
Loud rap music comprising of strings of swear words pollute the air. An indistinct voice proclaiming its soliloquy arise from my far left, as the plasma TV at Chill aimlessly entertains its late night patrons who instead indulge in a series of alcoholic drinks the bar renders. Gangs of teenage boys who all look like they belong to some sort of brotherhood that only allows its members to wear tight jeans that somehow, quite impossibly, make them look quite good despite the suffocated facade, wander around in endless circles, perhaps looking for equally otiose teenage girls to hit on.
A couple of stressed-out looking females in front of me have arms adorned with shopping bags as if they were mere bangles, no doubt from some high class shop, impatiently waiting for their ride back to the solace of their homes, doubtlessly eager to parade a fashion show in front of their floor-to-ceiling mirrors, like a restless eight year old, awaiting to enter the gates of Disneyland, not only with ticket money in hand, but also an incredibly long queue of park-goers sweating to get inside.
My favorite object among the rooftops of Gadong glows in the night sky, standing alone: the McDonalds logo. A bright letter M, bringer of Happy Meals and the words “I’m Lovin’ It”, stands out against the velvet blue of the 10 pm sky. I do appreciate its yellow significance and for some reason, the vivid M shining several feet off the ground gives me a warm feeling of home found amongst the traffic, the loud music, the continuous roaring of motorbikes out front, the chatter of shopkeepers, the smoke emanating from twenty-something year olds loitering in the foreground.
10:09 pm
Ah, I see the Rover, time to head off home, back to the place of shelves of Sophie Kinsella novels and the likes, $4 DVDs from Unitek and siblings brilliant yet equally annoying siblings. Ah, home.
10:19 pm
A cold silence fills the atmosphere in the car as mom lectures me about bad company. She’ll definitely flip when she finds out about my piercings. Which, I will, most definitely, not let happen. No sir. If she finds about my new piercings, be it on the ear, on the navel or on my frigging nose, she’ll ban me from ever going out, ever again. Like, ever.
10:52 pm
Now lying underneath my cotton sheets, blanket over my head, still wearing the same T-shirt I wore out: a black shirt with a printed tie and matching suspenders, crowned with a hole the size of a 50 cent coin. Not unlike myself, my 9-year old sister bites. Occasionally. She bit a hole into this shirt and consequently, I have to wear a black bra to make that unfortunate hole more inconspicuous. But you didn’t need to know that.
I’m just waiting till it’s safe enough to get on my laptop and write an entry about today. It was wicked fun, as mandatory. Though I made it pretty late and missed half the movie, it was still wicked fun.
11:01 pm
Is the coast clear yet?
11:09 pm
Nicked the camera’s USB cable outta my parent’s room. My bed is literally entangled in Sony Ericson wires and Acer products. Not that you needed to know that.
****
Today was wicked cool. Went out with a few of my best mates, Rona, Mickko, Mina, Izaq, Dee, Nice, Elaine, Milz, Shin and Nickks. I showed up an hour late for the movie, but heck, it was still great. Coming Soon was quite mediocre, entirely predictable I suppose, it wasn’t that horrifying at all, and yes, I could’ve fallen asleep were it not for the rather good sound effects. I’d give it a 4.5 out of 10.
I’d burst out in a stream of laughter while the rest of the cinema starts screaming their pants off. Odd, isn’t it? I’ve never laughed at horror movies before. I was sitting next to Nicks, and honestly, he is hilarious when a freaky scene comes on:
[scary danger music starts]
Nicks: [hides behind popcorn]
Chels: [stares at screen]
[danger music intensifies]
Nicks: [covers ears, sings] OHH SAY! CAN YOU SEE BY THE DAWN’S EARLY LIGHT, WHAT SO PROUDLY—
Chels: Dude, please!
*
[danger music comes on]
Nicks: [sings] Silent night, Holy night, all is calm...
*
[danger music starts]
Nicks: [hides behind soft drink cup] Our Father, who art in heaven...
Chels: Nicks, it’s just a movie.
Nicks: Give us this day our daily bread...
Chels: Nicks.
[danger music gets louder]
Nicks: AND FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES!
Haha, yeap. Trust Nicks to go all patriotic, Christmassy and religious while watching a supposedly horror movie. After the movie, I went off to get my piercings, yay! I’ve got four piercings in total now. Wicked cool. I want one on my navel, please. I was all jumpy about getting my piercings and was like, Will it hurt a lot? But yeah, couple of my mates have gotten piercings before, so twas cool.
“It won’t hurt. It’ll only feel like an ant biting you. An ant the size of a cow,” says Mickko.
“Ouch.” says Izaq.
“My buzzing Chepii fly is growing up so fast!” laments Rona.
Rona, it’s just a couple of piercings, it’s not like I got a tattoo of someone’s name or something, hahaha. I showed my bro and he... disowned me for getting piercings without mom’s yes. [shrugs]
Most of the gals left at around 6, me and the rest of the gang went off to... Jollibee! Cheezy Fries are the shizz, yes sir. We took heaps of photos and after that we headed off to the pool area over at Centrepoint. It’s pretty much a custom to chill at the pool area everytime we go out to Gaydong now. Either the pool area at Centrepoint, Gaydong Beach, the fountain at the parking lot over at the mall or at The Sad Penis. Yes, the Sad Penis. Actually the cafe’s called T.T. Blues but yeah, T.T. can be another word for Penis and Blues is related to sadness and ergo, The Sad Penis.
We chilled over at the fountain after the pool and after Izaq & Rona left, the three of us left, Mickko, Mina and myself, made our way to chill over at the second floor window. I call it The Window. It’s me & Rona’s secret spot when we wanna get away. Good view of the traffic from up there.
And then we headed off to McDonald’s to wait for Mickko’s dad to pick him up, bumped into Pejman and Arian having fries over there. While waiting for our rides, we talked about a lot of things in particular but it’ll be much too trivial to mention them here of course, so I’m not saying much. Mickko left in a while, Mina was picked up at about 15 to 10 and I was left to wander among the crowd back inside the mall till my mom picked me up half an hour later.
Good times today, another day to smile about. Something inside my head is ticking like a bomb, it hurts, so I’m gonna end this post. Wicked fun day today you guys.
Labels: attempted travel writing, good times, hanging out, horror movies, peircings, people, photos, weekends
Current listen: Broken Door by Bedlight for Blue Eyes
“..it was simple back then, looking out the same old window... the world seemed smaller bigger then.”
****
At long, long last the maid’s back from her holiday. No more housework for this kid! No more washing up after every meal, no more hanging up the laundry, no more getting told off for leaving my room in a state of devastation, no more hour-long lectures about how I don’t know how to keep the house decent, no more having to sleep in my own dirt, no more dust dunes accumulating on my stuff, so much dust that you can practically make dust angels if you wanted to. No more housework! Oh, hell yeah.
****
I’m Queen of All Procrastination. Someone overthrow me.
****
Where’s my iPod?
****
Mothertrucker. I’ve turned this thing into a Twitter! Which reminds me... I’ve made a Twitter!
Well, I’m in no state to write about much right now, maybe later. I’m gonna go watch Definitely, Maybe now (yes, I finally got the DVD last weekend after waiting ever so impatiently for it). I find that I can possibly learn something decent from it and apply it to real life and get myself out of the hellhole I’m in right now.
-Anonymous
Yeah, I really wish it were asexual. No, asexual and sexually aroused. Even if it were asexual it wouldn’t find the need to do itself without being sexually aroused. Why am I even talking about this?
Oh right, that’s why.
Anyway, I’ve given up on my non-asexual homework, I’ll figure out a way to finish em tomorrow.
So I got sent out of class for doodling instead of writing down notes during Commerce yesterday. I’ve never been sent out of class for doodling before. Actually, I’ve never been sent out for unfinished work before. Like, ever. I was just doodling for goodness sake! I was gonna copy the notes down later, my textbook’s not going anywhere!
So anyway, I’ve decided that I am dropping Commerce. I’ve been getting pit-low grades for it and frankly, I find the teacher’s teaching and marking methods uncool. Seriously, you don’t even want to know what I think of his class. I’m doing so badly in it, it’s pretty safe to say that Commerce is my downfall; I actually got higher in BM than in Commerce last term. See how bad the situation is?
And I am moving, moving, moving away to some other elective. Commerce is not my calling, no sir. I’m seeing the admin first thing tomorrow morning to ask for a transfer. I’ve even thought up a decent, rational explanation as to why I’m dropping it. I mean I can’t just march up the front office demanding a transfer with my actual reason for moving:
“I’m getting insanely low marks and besides, in Computer, they get to watch movies and stuff for entertainment—I mean, educational purposes! And besides, I know shitloads about computers; no doubt, I spend practically my whole time on them at home! Commerce just isn’t my calling and frankly, I find the teacher sucky, he loathes me anyway and I don’t see why I should continue wasting my time on it. So can you move me to Computer now? They’re starting on how to use Flash next week and I really don’t wanna miss that.”
Yeah. Well, knowing me and my mouth, I probably will say that anyway. Goodnight world, have a great weekend tomorrow.
P.S. Elaine and Camille are back for a visit. I’ve missed them like nuts. We’re going out tomorrow I think. And we might be having a pool party over at Rona’s. Oh yeah, pool party, can’t wait. Cheers you lot.
Title courtesy of Mickko Acosta.
Well not as much half an hour ago. I managed to clear away most of the papery debris that’s managed to conquer my table and my bed’s not that big of a mess anymore. Okay, so it still is. It’s gonna end up messy anyway when I go crash on it later. I managed to get some of my clothes off of the bed. More like, relocated them. So now clothes carelessly drape upon my many, many chairs.
If it’s not a wasteland, you can probably call it a Dumpster. My very own Dumpster. Yay. There are still empty junk food packets lying around (there’s dark chocolate 7 inches to my left, I don’t even like dark chocolate, what’s it doing here?), there are a couple of fruits slowly going rancid on my dresser and I think there’s a city of mould alive and thriving on what used to be a chocolate muffin right in front of me. And there’s a... a brown smudge on my table. What. Is. That?
Oh well, apart from the dust which refuses to be blown away and the steadily increasing number of food that is biodegrading in here, my room’s not so bad. At least I can still breathe. As long as I can still breathe, I’ll be fine. Trust me. [subliminal message here]
Anyway, it’s been seven days since my last entry. Needless to say, I’ve been caught in a landslide of surreal events. I’m serious. But here I am now to entertain you. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?
School’s been... exhausting. I feel so drained out nowadays. Last Thursday, I was a walking zombie in school. Slept through the whole day, missed every single one of my lessons especially my two most favorite periods: P.E. and BM. I was half dead; I walked straight into a glass window two seconds after assuring someone I was perfectly fine. It was probably due to the emotional trauma that came over me the night before but I’m not going to talk about that now. Nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy. Fall Out Boy.
On the other hand, school’s been better than most days. After playing dead last week, I’m starting to find delight in school again. Just yesterday, I’ve had the best Chemistry lesson so far. (“Chemistry is my favorite subject now. We can talk about boobs in peace,” says Izaq. One word: silicon.) We talked about elements and how some elements are all miserable and krap because the other elements are whole and complete and stuff like that. You’ll get my drift if you’re done with Year 10.
I’ll just put it this way. Some elements have complete atoms and some don’t. And the way my Chem teacher deduced it was so... relatable. “These elements are sad and miserable; they’re incomplete all they want to be whole and happy just like these elements over here.” I was like... “WHAT THE CRAP. You poor elements, I know how you feel.” But I really think I’ve lost my mind.
I can frigging relate to ELECTRONS AND ELEMENTS NOW. Who does that?!
I mean, relating to The Notebook, Bruce Almighty and Definitely, Maybe is perfectly normal. Relating to songs by Mayday Parade is perfectly normal. Relating to movies and songs are perfectly normal. Being able to relate to ATOMS AND ELECTRONS is NOT perfectly normal.
Oh, insanity just seems to be a little too fond of me. You can quote me.
But put all that aside, what I learnt in Chemistry yesterday was that sometimes to be whole, you’ve got to kick out a little instead of taking in more than you can. Of course, Chemistry-wise, it’s a little hard to explain here but I can totally relate to this... sometimes you just gotta kick out a little instead of trying to take in more, which is pretty much harder. Kick out a little, and you’ll be whole, Chelsea [cue cheesy inspirational music]. Whoa, whoever knew Chemistry can lead to a much needed life lesson/epiphany/another reason to think I’ve lost my mind? Either this all makes perfect sense to you or I really am insane.
So it’s been a really long day, I think I’ll leave it up to here for tonight. PE tomorrow. Yay. I get to show off my lousy football skills. No really, I am lousy. I’m rubbish at football, singing, BM, finishing work on time, and keeping my sanity in check. Goodnight world.
** Andy Hurley’s Fall Out Boy’s drummer. He’s a clean freak and is as anal as Kiks is. But his drumming skills are godlike. Believe you me.