Oh, if you haven’t read Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events, Book the Eleventh, The Grim Grotto, then the title of this entry will make none whatsoever sense to your brain.
Okay, so it’s three minutes past 8 and I am miles, no, light years away from conquering my newfound mountain of homework. Such a malicious little thing, growing there ever so sinisterly in dark corners of my school things like poisonous fungi manifolding along a cave wall, threatening to poison some poor traveller, concocting devious plans on how to put me in the agony of finishing off two essays (which aren’t even in English), a project on nutrients, a hundred and one questions and answers, one or two sets of comprehensions, Math corrections and a composition in a span of 9 hours.
Oh dear, dear me. What tangled ball of labour have I gotten myself into now?
Oh right, that’s what.
Unwillingly being an all-time procrastinator and high class bum, I put off my BM homework for more than a month and now it’s back and has reared its nasty head. No, not one, but THREE of its heads! It’s like, the Cerberus of all homework with razor sharp fangs and nasty drool you can’t get off of you for days! For now. I don’t want to know the amount of homework they’re going to heap on our shoulders next sem. (As if the weight of our hearts aren’t heavy enough already.)
If I don’t finish up this homework by Friday, I am dead. Like, Freddy-Kruger-slashed-me-with-his-five-claws dead. Like, trapped-inside-a-glass-box-with-about-fifty-or-so-angry-brain-eating-zombies-trying-to-smash-the-glass dead. Or like, being-chased-by-hundreds-of-cannibalistic-humans-with-rage-disorder-and-the-only-way-to-escape-is-by-getting-into-that-boat-over-there-but-it’s-too-damn-far-and-I-don’t-think-I’m-gonna-make-it dead. Or like—ANYWAY, you get the picture.
If I don’t get this done asa-freaking-p, my BM teacher’s gonna chase me down with a chainsaw tomorrow and all I have to save myself is a pair of chopsticks and a Basement Jaxx record. Nice choice of weaponry, Chelsea, that’s REALLY gonna save you from a deranged old lady with a CHAINSAW. She’s probably going to chase you down ruthlessly, slice and dice you up into little pieces of sushi, feed you to her evil crocodiles in her evil swamp, grab the crocodiles’ poop, burn the poop and then use the ash as war paint on her face.
Oh, my God! Seeing as I’ve only managed to finish one tenth of all her homework, I gotta get my rear end outta here! I know! I’ll dig my way through the ground with my chopstick, all the way to Greenland, fake my identity as the daughter of an Irish whaler who has a knack for pink lemonade and colored stripey socks and has a bald spot and spends a majority of her time alone in her bedroom all day, playing the Basement Jaxx record over and over and over again, singing, “You are my destiny, JAIHOOOOOO! JAIHOOOOOOOOOO!” in a very loud voice.
No. NO WAY! I don’t wanna be some daughter of an Irish whaler who has a knack for pink lemonade and colored stripy socks and spends a majority of her time alone in her bedroom all day, playing the Basement Jaxx record over and over and over again, singing, “You are my destiny, JAIHOOOOOO! JAIHOOOOOOOOOO!” in a very loud voice!!!! NO SIR, my life may suck like balls right now but no way am I gonna be some Irish teenager in a wig. No way.
So I think I’m gonna do my homework now. It’s already 20 minutes past 9. HOLY FUDGECAKE WITH ALMONDS ON TOP!!! IS THAT THE TIME? AAARRGHHHHHHHH!
Labels: homework, random, school, wild imaginings
-Anonymous
Yeah, I really wish it were asexual. No, asexual and sexually aroused. Even if it were asexual it wouldn’t find the need to do itself without being sexually aroused. Why am I even talking about this?
Oh right, that’s why.
Anyway, I’ve given up on my non-asexual homework, I’ll figure out a way to finish em tomorrow.
So I got sent out of class for doodling instead of writing down notes during Commerce yesterday. I’ve never been sent out of class for doodling before. Actually, I’ve never been sent out for unfinished work before. Like, ever. I was just doodling for goodness sake! I was gonna copy the notes down later, my textbook’s not going anywhere!
So anyway, I’ve decided that I am dropping Commerce. I’ve been getting pit-low grades for it and frankly, I find the teacher’s teaching and marking methods uncool. Seriously, you don’t even want to know what I think of his class. I’m doing so badly in it, it’s pretty safe to say that Commerce is my downfall; I actually got higher in BM than in Commerce last term. See how bad the situation is?
And I am moving, moving, moving away to some other elective. Commerce is not my calling, no sir. I’m seeing the admin first thing tomorrow morning to ask for a transfer. I’ve even thought up a decent, rational explanation as to why I’m dropping it. I mean I can’t just march up the front office demanding a transfer with my actual reason for moving:
“I’m getting insanely low marks and besides, in Computer, they get to watch movies and stuff for entertainment—I mean, educational purposes! And besides, I know shitloads about computers; no doubt, I spend practically my whole time on them at home! Commerce just isn’t my calling and frankly, I find the teacher sucky, he loathes me anyway and I don’t see why I should continue wasting my time on it. So can you move me to Computer now? They’re starting on how to use Flash next week and I really don’t wanna miss that.”
Yeah. Well, knowing me and my mouth, I probably will say that anyway. Goodnight world, have a great weekend tomorrow.
P.S. Elaine and Camille are back for a visit. I’ve missed them like nuts. We’re going out tomorrow I think. And we might be having a pool party over at Rona’s. Oh yeah, pool party, can’t wait. Cheers you lot.