8:09 am
I need a damn epiphany. NOW. I need that Boob Lady from The Simpsons. Maybe she can blow some sense into my poor head.
Chels: All I need is an epiphany...
Qawi: You need that Boob Lady. She helped Homer, she’d definitely help you.
Chels: Alright, where’s she? BOOB LADY! Oh, I know who the Boob Lady is! [whispers] It’s our Chem trainee! TEEHEE.
Qawi: [laughs]
Chels: Dude, seriously. Alright Boob Lady, I NEED an epiphany, it’d be great if I could get one, like... NOW.
Honestly. All I need is a sudden revelation of what the freak I’m supposed to do. I’m so confused, I make the Ugly Duckling seem completely understandable! WHAT? Qawi said that the Ugly Duckling’s mighty confusing, “How can something start off ugly and end up beautiful? Now that’s confusing. Just ask those poor kids out there who probably don’t understand the concept of Ugly Duckling at all!”
8:17 am
“What’s inside a nucleus, class?”
“God.”
Well, according to Izaq, God’s in the music room, Room 2. Oh well, God is ubiquitous, God is omnipresent, God, I still need an epiphany.
8:30 am
Uh-huh, any day now.
8:31 am
Ommmmmm. Ommmmmmm. Maybe intense meditation will lead to a revelation. What? That’s what happens in movies. Although, it’s rather hard to find inner peace in a room full of restless teenagers with the Chem trainee aka Boob Lady going on about something called the Electronic Configuration. What is that? My brain’s totally spaced out.
8:56 am
So I spent the last weekend of term break trying to finish off homework which should’ve been done ages ago while experiencing spasm attacks continuously at 5-minute interval. Why the spasm attacks? Chuan and I were going gaga over Gibson and Washburn electric guitars on the Net. Honestly, I just look at the Washburn WI26 or the Gibson Dark Fire and I convulse into hyperventilation. I could get a heart attack just looking at these babies.
I’d be in the middle of Googling the answers to my Chemistry homework and abruptly, either Chuan or I would burst out in a series of swear words, quickly followed by sending the link to another godlike guitar to each other. Gee, I’d bite for one of those. I really, really, REALLY want a Washburn WI26. So badly.
9:10 am
And yes, I Googled the answers to Chemistry. Joel said it was called thinking outside of the box, so it’s all good. Besides, our thickass 1 ½ inch Chemistry textbook is completely useless. So I would like to thank Google, WikiAsk and Yahoo! Answers for helping finish my homework! Well not really, but they helped. Enough. Chemistry Insights can kiss my ass.
9:42 am
Let’s jump off the burning building; we’re going to die anyway, might as well do it thoroughly.
11:27 am
The end of term break marks the comeback of homework, the reign of hectic times and frustration and anxiety. Of Math and Physics and all things nauseating. Of crap canteen food (but who says you gotta buy it right?). It also means the comeback of... BM. GROAAAAAAAAN.
I hate when the BM teacher lectures, they go on for hours at a time and let me tell you this, I am not loving the sound of her voice.
11:38 am
I could fall asleep right now. Honestly, I....
11:39 am
YAWN.
11:40 am
You know... the thing about epiphanies is that... they come in SUDDEN time, all in one swift blow to the brain. If God’s giving me an epiphany right now, it’s rather... slow. I need it in one whole dose! Please God, help me!
It’s like a bandage over a cut. Just rip it off already! It’ll hurt much more done slowly. Just pull, rip, heal. HEAL. But... why rip off the bandage now?
See how confused I am?
12:04
I just fell asleep. Oh, it can’t be helped.
****
I was right. It’s the end of the day, and yes my friends, we are, once again, without a doubt, fully loaded with homework. Homework is the work of the devil, I tell you. THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPEL-ETH YOU!
Damn. It’s still there.
Oh well, best be at it tomorrow, it’s past midnight and there’s BM tomorrow, which, without a doubt, I will fall asleep in, in perfect routine, if I don’t get to bed now. Goodnight world, die homework.
Apologies for the lack of new entries to entertain you for almost a fortnight, of course. What else would I be apologizing for anyway?
The reason for my two week absence is not of course because I’ve changed my mind about FaceBook and created myself an account, having just spent almost fourteen days poking someone and flooding another’s Wall instead of writing something for here, goodness no.
Speaking of FaceBook, Mina showed me this hilarious video rant about FaceBook. This goes out to all those who’ve incessantly treated me like dirt for not having a FaceBook account.*coughMarloKikoIzaqcough*
Ha-ha. Eat scum FaceBookers!
As to why I haven’t posted in a while... well, I’ve come to the conclusion that whenever something worth writing about happens to me, there’s always a 40-60% chance of me actually writing about it, especially when that ‘remotely interesting thing to write about’ thing happens to me in simultaneous succession within a span of only two weeks.
In lesser and simpler sounding words... I’ve been so freaking busy, I make New Yorkers seem relaxed and easy-going!
And in case you don’t know... we’re on a ten day break from school. Like that helps! This so called ‘holiday’ is not even a holiday, not to me, no sir, uh-uh! It’s just like a regular school day, minus the ‘school’ bit! See, the maid’s gone on a little holiday of her own and guess who gets the housework dumped all over her? Sigh.
Term One of school was so freaking hectic, I was so relieved for the ten-day break, but apparently and inconsequently, my plans aren’t just to eat, sleep, repeat at all. It’s freaking eat, do the dishes, get on laptop, cook the food, eat the food, do the dishes, get the laundry done, hang the laundry, dump the garbage, get self back upstairs, get on laptop, stay up till 3 to make up for lost time on laptop, sleep until noon, repeat!! That plus countless little things in between as well! Call this a holiday? My bottom. Oh, what I wouldn’t give for simple old eat, sleep, repeat.
In more or less four days, I’d be back at school, most undoubtedly finding myself buried in an alarmingly large mound of schoolwork by the end of each day. Another sigh. I haven’t even started on my holiday homework yet... who gives homework on a holiday anyway? WHO? Obviously, teachers at my school and yours do. One more sigh and a groan.
And guess what, I haven’t even gotten over the holiday lag from the two-month break last year. And that was LAST YEAR. Heaven’s angels. And Term One has been heller busy; shall I emphasize that for you? HELLER BUSY.
January, I was suffering from holiday jetlag after two-months of wicked fun weekends, sleepovers and parties. My brain refused to kick-start yet, so I said, okay, I’ll give it some time, I’ll focus next month, it’s only the first month right?
Come the second month, followed by National Day practice every-freaking-school-day, rehearsals for that TV show, the best weekend at KB, choir practice and auditions. Not to mention piles and piles of homework and tests here and there and practicals. AND THEY SAID THE 10TH YEAR WAS HONEYMOON YEAR. MY ARSE!
And so I said, okay, second month, there’s still the third month till assessment, I’ll focus then. March carried along with it more choir practice, the choir competition , TV show rehearsals, shootings and recital rehearsals and recital nights itself.
And don’t even get me started about the state of emotional trauma I’ve been in for the last three months!!
My heart and mind have been on a freaking rollercoaster ride, I think my soul might actually throw up its insides. (You can’t say I’m full of myself now.)
I can honestly say that I am pooped. I’m pretty much surprised (and relieved) that I haven’t gone insane due to all the pressure and emotional issues going on. Oh, the human heart and mind can only handle so much...
So you can only imagine how thankful I was for the grace of term break. Only to be ruined by the maid’s absence and the endless tasks now expected of me like uh, doing the laundry or sorting the garbage or ironing the clothes. I’m pretty surprised I’ve not been asked to paint the walls or rectify the plumbing.
Okay, let’s not talk about housework. I’ve had enough as it is. Mom will be home in half an hour and I’m willing to bet my newly bought—wait I haven’t bought anything in ages. One last sigh fellas. Never mind, she’ll be home in a bit and will probably drag me down to the kitchen to gut fish again or something.
So I’ll wrap this up and come up with another entry going over the last ten days, ‘cause believe me... enough has happened to last me a few months in solitude. Well given the current state of things, I think I will welcome a few months in peaceful, calm and school-free solitude. Ah, bliss.
“If ever you love me, you’d say it’s okay,” she mused, singing.
“It’s okay, it’s okay.” He said this as he smiled a smile that brightened up her entire world.
And so she found love, in between the cracks of a readily broken heart.
I am so sleepy. Sleep has taken over most of my school days this year. Uh-huh. I fall asleep in class everyday now and it’s practically a habit of mine now, like eating and biting anything within an arm’s reach. Honestly. Just can’t get enough of sleep. So anyway, I’m gonna make this quick cause you know... I wanna sleep.
So... my friends are being FaceBook-ist to me. It’s kinda like racism only to a more serious level and revolves mostly around the fact that you don’t have a FaceBook instead of being yellow or something (I mean seriously, I’m not even yellow). Honestly, people. The world is conspiring against me all because I don’t have a FaceBook. Everyone’s got a freaking FaceBook now. Everyone except me. And Rona. And Mickko. Right.
I don’t despise FaceBook or anything; I simply think that it’s way too much commitment for me. I mean honestly, look at Kiks! He’s freaking addicted to FaceBook now! “I’m gonna be one of those people who stay up all night just FaceBooking! FaceBook, FaceBook, FaceBook!” Seriously! It’s addictive just like crack cocaine and like uh, like... something you can get addicted to!
Izaq: Chelsea, the world will conspire against you just because you don’t have a FaceBook. We’re conspiring against you already!
*****
[having lunch at some Chinese place]
Chels: Where’s my drink? How come Marlo and Kiks get drinks and I don’t?
Izaq: That’s cause you don’t have a FaceBook.
****
Izaq: Chelsea! Get a darn FaceBook already! Even Teacher Celia has a FaceBook!
****
Izaq: Get a FaceBook already! You’re the only one who doesn’t have a FaceBook!
Chels: Oh yeah? Rona and Miks don’t have FaceBooks! HAH! We’re gonna make our own group: The Anti-FaceBook Kids.
Kiks: Yeah? Well, I’m gonna burn you all!
Chels: You do know you’re gonna kill your bite buddy, your bestfriend and your favorite cousin?
Kiks: I don’t care. It’s FaceBook man!
You see what FaceBook has done to them?! You won’t see that happening to me, no sir. I’m not gonna be some crazed FaceBook user who spends every single waking moment with a computer FaceBooking, playing pointless FaceBook games, sending each other “pokes” while staying awake till the wee hours of dawn, eye bags growing ever so bigger, flooding my significant other’s FaceBook wall. No sir. Not that I do have a significant other, I don’t, not really, no, but that’s not the point! You won’t catch me going nuts over FaceBook, nu-uh.
I wanna go now. My bed is calling and I don’t have a FaceBook to attend to unlike so many of you people. Hah. And do remember, I do NOT have anything against FaceBook, sheesh, I just don’t want one.
Oh, and I forgot to mention. We’re off to KB Town again tomorrow for the shooting of the 3rd episode. I suppose you’d expect me to be bouncing off the edge of my seat in sheer excitement right now, added by insomnia due to the memory of the last roadtrip to KB but... you’re wrong. I don’t feel that hyped up about it that much right now.
I don’t know why. I feel so... indifferent. Maybe it hasn’t sunk in yet or something. Or maybe some things have changed. Like the fact that Eddie is no longer our freaking emcee. Like, dammit. I can’t imagine the roadtrip without Eddie. It’s like a premature Armageddon all over again coupled with the fact that I—okay, almost way too much information than you should know.
But anyway, maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow to find my mood’s switched over so that it’ll be synonymous with rainbows and unicorns. Okay, that’s not me. Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow to find I’m Chelsea again. Oh wait, no. It still sucks to be me. Well, it’s better than whoever’s staying up all night just FaceBooking. [sticks tongue out]
Okay, I seriously have got to go. I can hear the sound of an angry mob outside my door, sharpening their knives and carrying their pitchforks and torches about to burn my house down just cause I don’t have a bloody FaceBook. Oh look, the mob leader looks familiar. Oh wait, hang it, it’s Kiks! Oh, why am I not surprised?
I’ve just spent about 5 hours fixing lunch and then eating it. I come back upstairs where I left my laptop running and my MSN signed in and here’s what I read when I got sat back down on my “state of the art wheelie chair”. Honestly.
14:10 Josh: Heya Chels.
14:11 Josh: That sounds stupid...
14:11 Josh: Hi Chelsea.
14:17 Josh: Okay, not replying...
14:18 Josh: I was just going to ask you if you still had the Narnia book?
14:19 Josh is now Offline
I mean, WHO DOES THAT? Who says, “Heya Chels!” think it’s stupid and changes it to “Hi Chelsea”??? Josh, this is why you’ll never become President. Ha-ha. Only joking. But seriously. His anti-social amnesties continue to fascinate me.
The guy’s not even human! He belongs to the same species as Michael Jackson, uh-huh. But hey, I’m a fan of Michael’s :3
Anyway, I really have got to go, I just spent five hours downstairs, in the kitchen (which is probably the most forbidden place for me in my house, I can’t cook for nuts), I have to go and pick up Rona from the mall at 4 and be at the airport for Joe’s final farewell by 5. AND I still have to finish his farewell letter. Whoo. Wayyyy to much pressure right there buddy. Holy Mother of God, it’s 3:30! I REALLY HAVE TO GO!
Not really.
I used a purple bus for the first time in my entire life today. (What an odd coincidence, Izaq rode the purple bus for the first time ever yesterday as well! Either everyone’s parents can’t pick them up anymore or we’ve been hanging out with Miks & Kiks way too much.) But anyway, my first time. Like ever.
It was... short. Well, my house is only about 5 minutes from school. Ha-ha. But it was sort of fun. In some twisted way.
Chels: Dude. We’re almost to my house. How do I make the bus stop?
Miko: You tell the bus driver to stop.
Chels: How?
Miko: You just tell him to.
Chels: Will you do it please? Never done it before so...
Miko: I’m not saying it. [to Kiks] Don’t say it.
Kiks: I’m not saying it.
Chels: My house is right there! We’re gonna pass it!
Miko: We’re not saying it.
Kiko: No way, nuh-uh.
Chels: Seriously! If you don’t stop the bus I’m not gonna talk to you guys ever again in my entire life!
Nothing could be more pointless than threatening not to talk to Miko or Kiks for the rest of my life, but... it works. Got down right at my stop and all I have to do now is cross my fingers and hope my mom won’t mind me using public transport. I know. It’s public transport, but you don’t know my mom. Or dad, for that matter.
I think I’m gonna be using the bus more often now. I need rides to school and music class and all and my parents won’t be around as much to pick me anymore, seeing as they transferred companies and have strict-ass rules about leaving the office before hours. Actually no, I don’t mind using the purple limo from now on.
Haha. That’s so weird, me using the bus... everyday. It’s definitely something new. Oh gosh, what’s wrong with me today? I sound boring. Anyway, I gotta go, my Commerce and POA textbooks await and if I continue to ignore them any longer, I’d be getting Fs for my tests tomorrow. God save the queen.
“Faith is believing that what you know... ain’t so.”
-Mark Twain
I’ve changed my mind. Again. It’s funny how convinced you can be with something when the littlest, tiny thing can change all that belief. Oh fate, am I running with you or against you?
How, I would love to know. Because right now, I’m really and utterly confused, more than ever. I just don’t know what to do or say or even feel, for that matter, anymore. I just don’t know.
I don’t know if it’s faith that I still believe in you, hold on for you, fight on for you when the facts are splattered everywhere, across her face, across her words, across your own words, across her face, across yours, across her actions, across the world, even on to the opposite side of the earth. Everywhere. And for some stupid, stupid reason, I choose to ignore that. I choose to ignore reality, believing that one day, things will turn around for me.
Now tell me... is that faith? Or stupidity? I don’t even know anymore. I’m sorry to say this, but things are becoming clear. The images have focused, they’re sharp images, so sharp, they pierce right through me. Right through me. They’re focused sharp, sharp on my chest, onto that little beating thing we call a ‘heart’.
But hey, I can’t ignore fact any longer, I can’t play pretend. I’m not losing faith, I’ll just let go. I’ll forget about these three months. It’ll be like I never happened. Like I never existed. I won’t ignore truth any longer; I won’t ignore fact because I’m starting to think that this is ignorance.
I had a lot of faith in you, I really did. I had faith in your words, in your actions. I thought I knew. But there we go again, ignorance. I thought I knew. For the second time tonight, you’ve proved someone wrong. I mean, what was I thinking? That you would actually see me in that particular way? Yeah. I guess I did. But again, I stand alone corrected. I’m not worth your troubles any longer.
They say it’s not faith if you use your eyes. I closed my eyes, but that didn’t block out the sound of reality. That didn’t block out the sound of your voice and the meaning of the words your voice brought. I closed my eyes, but that didn’t close over the doubt that’s actual fact. I closed my eyes and prayed. But maybe, you’re not answer to my prayers. You were the answer to theirs. Not to mine.
Maybe it is time I let go. It must be. It’ll be like I never happened and I’m sorry for hindering you, all of you. I’m sorry for causing all this, I’m sorry I ever happened. I’m sorry. But now, it’ll be like it never happened. Like I never happened. It’s what all of you want right? Shut up and don’t tell me it’s not. Now I’m being the answer to your prayers.
And no, I won’t hold grudges, I won’t hold resentment. Like I said, it’ll be as if I never happened. I’ll be the saint for tonight.
I’m actually supposed to be studying for Math right now; we’re having a test tomorrow but... I really wanna write about yesterday afternoon before details of the day run off to hide under all the clutter inside this thing that’s seconds away from bursting called ‘my head’.
Yeah, it’s kind of like, one of my issues, never knowing what my priorities are. I just can’t seem to discern which stuff’s more important to me. I usually go for ‘fun’ though, more than anything else. Homework or Internet? Fun. Coke or Pepsi? Fun. Practicals or practice? Fun. Boyfriend or bestfriend? Fun. NOO, I don’t have a boyfriend. I was just illustrating an example. But anyway, it’s real crap living life like that, but maybe it’s one of the main reasons why I have more fun than you. [shrugs]
You know what, I think I’m gonna study. The fun can wait, can’t it?
Labels: random
8:53 am
Trainee: Our topic for today is catalysts. Catalysts are blablabla...
Chels, Izaq: [bored and blanking out]
Trainee: Catalysts yada-yada...
Chels: What? Catalysts? Is she talking about religion now?
9:00 am
Trainee: Catalysts are used to speed up reactions, making the substances react faster.
Chels: Oh, I know! Just like STEROIDS!!
[class turns and stares at Chels]
Brynner: Whaaaaat???
Izaq: I’m sorry Brynner that you don’t know what steroids are.
Rafie: Steroids are bad!!
Chels: Not when you’re Janno.
Izaq: Janno defines steroids.
9:04 am
Oh, my gosh. AJ and Shin are plotting to murder the trainee... it’s about bloody time!
Kidding. But seriously...
9:05 am
“Janno’s so buff, you can push hard as you might and he won’t ever move!”
“He defines inertia as well!!”
“Izaq, you actually remembered what inertia meant?”
“I...”
9:06 am
The trainee’s finally given up teaching! “Amen,” says Izaq.
9:07 am
Oh, she got real ticked off by us paying zero attention to her by talking simultaneously while she goes on about catalysts so... she blew up and is now sulking at her desk.
9:10 am
Chemistry’s over! Bio now, it’s fun though. I don’t mind Bio. Our current teacher’s a temp since our actual teacher’s 9 months pregnant, on maternity leave and her stomach’s just about the size of a hot air balloon at a carnival times twenty. I’m kidding. But seriously...
Oh, gee! That means she’s due this month! Oh my gosh, babies! (Honestly, what the hell is wrong with me? Yesterday weddings and today, babies!) She had better named it after me.
9:22 am
The Bio temp is telling me off. I think she thinks I’m just some lazy bum who does nothing but bum around getting bummer marks. Oh, my gosh! She thinks I’m Izaq! Well... she’s dead wrong! I’m Chelsea. =.=”
Chelsea. Chel-sea. Don’t you know who and what Chelsea defines? Yeah well, I’m trying to figure that out myself, thanks a lot.
9:26 am
Bloody hell! She does think I’m dumb! As in... marks-ranging-from-Ds-and-Fs-and-darling-two-and-two-don’t-make-twenty-two kind of dumb. WHAT THE HELL?
9:28 am
Okay, I’m pissed now. Uh-huh. She thinks I’m... dumb! Hey! If I were actually dumb, wouldn’t you think I’d have had a real hard time getting into the SCIENCE stream, or rather, even getting away with 6As, a B for PMB?!
Hmpff. I’m gonna show her. I’m gonna do what Izaq’s gonna do for the next Chemistry test. I’m gonna get 102% for the next Bio test!
“Dude. I’m gonna get 102% for Biology. That’ll show her.”
“We’re so cool; we defy the laws of Physics. Uh-huh!”
We even altered the school pledge. It starts off like this:
“We, the students of [insert school name here], pledge allegiance to Chelsea and Izaq, and their greatness...”
Well, I can leave the rest up to your imagination.
9:55 am
“My thinking ability died a long time ago. I don’t think anymore, I do. I’m so great, I don’t even need to think!” says Izaq.
Self-centred much? I’m kidding Zaq. But seriously...
9:57 am
I am NOT stupid! She talks to me like I’m more confused than “a 15 year old boy who just woke up on his grandparents’ front porch butt naked”. Well, I’ve never been so insulted. All I did was show up 20 minutes late for class today, got caught (unfortunately) talking in the middle of her lectures and I’m class doofus of the day. Honestly. She’s treating me like I’m... Izaq!
10:04 am
We just handed in our Bio classwork and I’m so gonna get an A. Oh, my gosh, I just had a bad thought.
Chels: An A! HAH! LOOK WHO’S SLACKIN’ OFF NOW!
Bio Temp: You should thank your seatmate, Izaq, for helping you out with the answers.
Chels: WHAT? HE DID NOT—ARRRGGHHHHH! I’M NOT DUMB!
[seconds pass]
Chels: Zaq, what did you get?
Izaq: I got a C.
Chels: Gimme that! [snatches paper, shoves it in front of temp’s nose] HAH! He got a C! How can you say that I got my answers from him?
Temp: Because Izaq is decent enough to help you out that he forgot to help himself out.
Chels: ...
-Break ensues-
12:05 nn
This is the part where I go hungry. Again. It’s 9th period BM and nope, my chosen attitude towards the subject has yet to change, uh-huh. I still think it’s an awful waste of precious, precious, limited time. Right now we’re supposedly discussing poetry.
POETRY. FOR BM. You’re kidding me right? If BM was hell, the flames have just intensified.
12:09 nn
Still hungry.
12:10 nn
...with a taste of your lips I’m on a ride....
Don’t even ask me why that song is in my head right now ‘cause I don’t even know!
Oh hey, my Pollution Theory applies here! When there’s nothing decent in your head, unnecessary garbage fills it up instead. It works, it actually does. Whoa. That should be like one of the laws of Physics and I oughta to win a Nobel.
12:13 nn
“Can you take me back to the person I used to be? Back when you were there for me. I know it seems like forever, but do me this favour please. Way back when we were stupid and held grudges just to help us sleep. Oh, my God, how ridiculous were we?”
-A Rocket to The Moon
Now that particular chorus is playing, skip, skip, repeating in my head. Brilliant song. Back when you were there for me...
12:16 nn
Did teachers just say Prozac?
12:17 nn
What the hell is Prozac anyway?
12:18 nn
Is Prozac some sort of food? Sorry, I’m just awfully hungry right now, just like any other irregular school day.
12:20 nn
DISMISSAL! Cheers.
Labels: people, quotes, school, things that piss me off