When Math textbooks attack indeed.
“Fight me if you dare Geometry. I’ll eat your pi!”
–Qawi A.
After 8 long hours of Math revision on my bed, with a lot of TV and MSN breaks in between, I have finally put my pens and graph paper riddled with careless doodles of tornadoes and cumulonimbus stormclouds down. I am ready.
Even after everyone, especially myself, living in denial about the exams not coming anytime sooner for the past couple of months, it’s right here, just a good nine hours away. Indeed, I am still caught up in a holiday lag from last year. Oh for the love of sexgods, when will my brain kick into overdrive?! It’s still up there, hibernating an endless winter away inside the hollow my skull. Hello, brain, haven’t you got any priorities at all?!
Henceforth, I dedicate this entry to my fellow Year 10 chums, those who are about to wake up tomorrow morning only to find that they have no less than 18 papers to sit for with no memory of having got there. Goodluck you guys, try not to screw up.
Since our first exam tomorrow’s good ol’ Math, here’s a little bit of trivia for ye:
Q: Shirley is vacant for 24 hours this Saturday, Monday and Thursday and vacant 14 for hours this Sunday. What is the total time of her vacancy if she was shot 4 hours before next Monday?
A: Your mom.
As a wise friend once said, “Your momma jokes neva’ get old.” Amen. Goodnight folks, hello Math exam rearing its ugly head, holding its integers akimbo.
Drawing courtesy of Qawi A. Hand off, it's copyrighted!
The last three days of school have certainly been a 2nd degree riot worth articulating about. This is gonna be a long entry, brace yourselves.
Saturday, the 9th of April
The field trip last weekend was glorious fun. We actually went over to the Ministry of Defence, not the MOE. Either way, the trip was wicked cool. It was all such a bore at first; we started off looking at posters, with polite interest, explaining with intricate detail how our crap reaches the ocean from our toilet bowl. That and feigning interest with a 3D replica of mud. (Well, it was actually more like a 3D replica of the ground and what’s beneath; I think it was supposed to demonstrate how rainwater and animal faeces get anywhere.) Okay, so nobody really wants to learn about sewage and cesspools now, do we?
After half an hour of looking at semi-captivating articles on drainage systems and model houses, we headed out back of the MOD building, where, guess what, people were fly-foxing and abseiling and rock climbing! It was so wicked. Everyone else and I got on the flying fox (we were about 3 floors high) and it really wicked. I’ve never been on the flying fox, like ever, ever, ever in my entire life, and I most certainly didn’t expect that to change that morning. It was a massive shame though, that the flying fox wasn’t that high, the higher, the more thrilling it is.
Oh, and some douche got stuck on the flying fox; dude was dangling about 150 metres off the ground for more or less 15 minutes, lucky bastard. Ha-ha. I think his pulley got stuck when he jumped off the edge (didn’t he get a nasty wedgie?) and had to hang up there, several feet off the ground for ages. Good for him. Wish I got stuck up there; must’ve been so wicked cool. Definitely a Sony Moment of the Day, according to Matt.
The equipment for abseiling and fly-foxing (is that even the right term, fly-foxing?) was a little chafing though. It’s like this underwear sort of gear thing you put like shorts where they hook the line onto you and stuff. I mean on girls it looks perfectly fine but on the boys? It rather emphasizes their... unmentionables. [shudders] SO ANYWAY...
I went abseiling too! In fact, I was the first in line to abseil. Took me ages to set up cause I kept whacking my head by accident on the thousands of beams in the flying fox building thingy but the abseiling dudes-in-charge were really nice and tried not cause my premature death, thanks so much!
Dude: Okay, you’re good now, just jump off the edge.
Chels: What? Just jump off it?
Dude: Yeah, just go, jump!
Chels: What? No way! I’m freaked out now. What if the line breaks? What if I slip? What if I fall on that poor guy down below?
Dude: Relax, you’ll be fine. Now go! [pushes Chels off]
Chels: HOLY GODDDDDDDDD!!!!
*
Chels: Oh hey, this isn’t half bad... hey, I can see the mall from here!
*
[after being lowered about 4 feet]
Dude: Let go off the rope!
Chels: WHAT?
Dude: Let go, take your hands off the rope!
Chels: WHAT?? Let go of the rope, are you kidding me?!
Dude: Let go!
Chels: [lets go]
Dude: Well, do you feel safe?
Chels: Hmmm... Let’s see, I’m hanging about 250 metres of the ground and could plunge to my death down below any second now should this rope break. Yeap, definitely safe, uh-huh, no doubt at all, safe, safe, safe dangling here, yup! I’m fine, no worries!
*
Chels: Someone had better be taking a photo of this! I don’t do this abseiling business everyday! [stomach growls] I’m hungry. Abseiling makes you hungry. I want food. GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!
The abseiling was brilliant. Richelle went after me and Branden bought us some burgers from KFC right after. (THANKS BRANDEN, YOU’RE AWESOME. SINGAPORE ISN’T SINKING.) Boy, abseiling makes me hungry.
“Yeah, that was really cool, just imagine if—Chelsea, are you talking to your food again?”
–Richelle
I... have this weird habit of talking to my food before I eat it. Don’t look at me like I’m a loony, I’m sure something’s wrong with you too. Ha-ha-ha.
So after kind-of-lunch, we hung out at this cool (not literally, the sun was pretty angry at me or something that day, I was burning in the heat... that would explain my sudden change in skin color) garden thing outside the MOD building while waiting for the rest of the tenth years to finish off fly-foxing slash abseiling slash rock climbing.
And then we were confined inside the huge bus. It was cold inside, can’t complain. After everyone else came around, we set off back to school. It was wicked. It’s not like you get to do all these really cool rides everyday right? Maybe if we be good kids, we’ll get to go sky diving, parasailing and bungee jumping next. Keep your fingers crossed for that one, you lot. Indeedy-do, it was a gloriously wicked school day.
Monday, the 11th of April
Nothing too substantial. Oh wait, except for the road accident involving my brother’s 12-year-old bestfriend and his mom. And a series of unfortunate events within the Chemistry lab.
So my bro’s bestfriend, Lee, and his mom were crossing the road from Supa Save and like yeah. A second too early, a second too late, and we all know what happens. There were police and an ambulance and all the red ‘no crossing’ tape hitched everywhere and Izaq said there was blood on the road.
Cataclysmic disaster. Now before you guys freak out and launch into a full-length speech about how to safely cross a road with over speeding cars without causing a accidentally ending up in a hospital morgue, let me just tell you that... Lee’s only got a fractured shoulder and I think his mom’s doing fine so point of 60-word sentence: nobody’s gonna die.
Goodness, I can just imagine the school paying someone to dress up as Barney and give the elementary kids a talk about crossing the road.
Barney: Okay kids, now remember, look both ways before you cross and make sure have an adult with you. Okay kids?
Kids: Yes, Barney!
Barney: [turns into a banana] YAY, now let’s go do the peanut butter jelly time dance! IT’S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME, PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! WAIYEA WAIYEA WAIYEA!! [insert rest of lyrics here]
Yeah. Bizarre. SO ANYWAY...
Our class had Chemistry practicals at 3:30 in the afternoon which meant 3 solid hours of hanging out at Mamih, talking about a lot of things in particular, cramming some last-minute Chemistry notes on cations and anions into my head and constantly bursting into laughter at Mickko & Izaq’s anecdotes while simultaneously getting lost in the maelstrom of thoughts inside my own head. FUN.
After hours of whiling the time away, I came to learn one thing about the service at Mamih. You know how it’s really, really irksome how the waiters never show up unless you call them? Everytime I go there for lunch after school, they never come around unless you call them. And sometimes, when you call them, they won’t even show any signs of hearing you.
We’re not in New York and this is not some street where you frantically call out for a cab and they ignore you. The service can be so terrible, my mates and I actually had to bring the dishes someone I don’t even know ate off of back into the kitchen for them because NO ONE bothered showing up to clear our table. What the hell?
So anyway... back to my point. They never show up when you need em to. They show up when you don’t need them to! Since no one bothered to come clear up the plates on our table after we ate, we moved to another table. And guess what? The bloody waiter shows up. Makes you want to go, “HELLO? WE’RE DONE! WE WERE RIGHT THERE? AND YOU NEVER SHOWED UP? WE HAD TO GET THE DIRTY DISHES TO THE KITCHEN OURSELVES?” Geez Louise. And don’t even get me started about the food! I found weevils in my fried rice. Appalling.
BUT ANYWAY... we got back to school and I made it to the practicals 5 minutes late. We were to have a practical test and we had to mix all these chemicals to produce such pretty, pretty colors, figure out which cation’s which and try not to flunk the whole thing single-handedly.
The coolest part was when I accidentally poured some unknown chemical into an open wound on my middle finger. It was quite funny now that I think of it.
Chels: OW HOLY GOD, OWWWWW. SHIT, I GOT SOME CHEMICAL INTO MY WOUND! IT BURNS! Ohcrapohcrapohcrap, it’s turning purple! Holy God, is this normal?
Izaq: That’s not normal.
Chels: AAAARRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
*
Izaq: Don’t worry too much. They’re probably just gonna amputate your middle finger.
Rafi: It’s just one finger riiight?
Chels: JUST ONE FINGER? I need this finger! How am I supposed to play guitar? I haven’t even learned piano yet! How am I supposed to react when someone pisses me off and my middle finger is non-existant! Okay, maybe I can use my other middle finger, but that’s not the point! I can’t lose this finger!
Izaq: And it’s not too bad. It’s just gonna swell and turn purple and spread to the rest of your body and cause your premature death.
Chels: You’re. Not. Helping.
I totally freaked out on the spot. My finger was burning and it really was turning purple! So I did the first thing that came to mind. Suck the poison slash chemical out. Whaaaaat? I saw Samuel Jackson do it on this poor kid who got bitten by snake in Snakes On a Plane so you can’t argue. So I shoved my chemically contaminated finger in my mouth, sucked as hard as I could and spat it back out into the chemically contaminated sink.
Seeing as I’m still alive, foam isn’t gushing out of my mouth and my middle finger is intact and hasn’t mutated yet, it must have worked. Not that it really saved me. I mean what if it was just saltwater? (Epic fail.) But hey, this proves I know what to do when infected with toxic substances, yay, someone award me a prize, I’m wicked. I feel like I should be on Lost or something.
Anyway.
There were many more epic failures after that performed by a few other douche nozzles in class. Rafi threw away my chemical concoction we were supposed to be saving for the discussion. Qawi smashed about a couple or so testubes. And so did Matt. And Koh. And a few others. Geez. If scientists are so smart, why can’t they make up some sort of unbreakable test tube, for goodness sake? It should be fireproof, smashproof, foolproof, Izaqproof, the works!
So the practicals ended with many a disaster, but twas fun all the same.
Tuesday, the 12th of April
School was great today, I’d give it a... 8 out of 10. And the reason behind it getting 8 out of 10 isn’t even related to school. I can’t mention it here for all the world to see but heck, I’m certain you’ll catch me gazing off into space with a goofy smile plastered on my face when I think of it.
We had an English test, a lesson on Ionic Bonding, a lecture on our delinquent behaviour in between classes (the amount of racket and noise emitted by our class tends to reach up to 500 decibels when triggered and I must say it hasn’t impressed teachers in the least bit), a discussion on the latest Biology test (scored a B+, not bad), another lecture on Ionic Bonding (which I daresay, rather intriguing) and an hour with a teacher who really can go on forever talking about things, just on and on and on and on and on, you wanna out a sock, no, two socks in her mouth!
And we were given these souvenirs for taking part in the National Day affairs. Guess what we got?
[souvenirs are being handed out]
Chels: I’m starving...
Richelle: Me too.
Chels: Remember when they used to give out food during National Day practice?
Richelle: Yeah. Ahhhh...
Chels: Free food everyday, oh wow. Oh hey, what’s the souvenir? [opens box] I bet it’s a clock... it’s a......... plate. A PLATE? Oh goodness, the irony of it all! I ask for food and I get a plate... with no food!
Nope, not a clock. Nor food vouchers. No, not even food, itself. We were given... plates. BLOODY ORNAMENTAL PLATES, I TELL YOU. Ages and ages of playing hide and seek with the angry sun for two months and burning in the unbearable heat resulting in several fainting spells and severe alteration of skin tone and all we get for reparation is a bloody plate we can’t even eat on! Hello, maintenance? I think the world’s broken. Yes, again. [sigh] It’s not MY fault! What do you mean it can’t be fixed?! It HAS to be fixed! Are you kidding me? Oh bloody hell.
Thank you government, I’ve always wanted a plate. A plate I’m not allowed to eat on. Yeap, haven’t got enough of these at home, no sir.
Labels: goofin' off, people, quotes, rants, school, things that piss me off
8:53 am
Trainee: Our topic for today is catalysts. Catalysts are blablabla...
Chels, Izaq: [bored and blanking out]
Trainee: Catalysts yada-yada...
Chels: What? Catalysts? Is she talking about religion now?
9:00 am
Trainee: Catalysts are used to speed up reactions, making the substances react faster.
Chels: Oh, I know! Just like STEROIDS!!
[class turns and stares at Chels]
Brynner: Whaaaaat???
Izaq: I’m sorry Brynner that you don’t know what steroids are.
Rafie: Steroids are bad!!
Chels: Not when you’re Janno.
Izaq: Janno defines steroids.
9:04 am
Oh, my gosh. AJ and Shin are plotting to murder the trainee... it’s about bloody time!
Kidding. But seriously...
9:05 am
“Janno’s so buff, you can push hard as you might and he won’t ever move!”
“He defines inertia as well!!”
“Izaq, you actually remembered what inertia meant?”
“I...”
9:06 am
The trainee’s finally given up teaching! “Amen,” says Izaq.
9:07 am
Oh, she got real ticked off by us paying zero attention to her by talking simultaneously while she goes on about catalysts so... she blew up and is now sulking at her desk.
9:10 am
Chemistry’s over! Bio now, it’s fun though. I don’t mind Bio. Our current teacher’s a temp since our actual teacher’s 9 months pregnant, on maternity leave and her stomach’s just about the size of a hot air balloon at a carnival times twenty. I’m kidding. But seriously...
Oh, gee! That means she’s due this month! Oh my gosh, babies! (Honestly, what the hell is wrong with me? Yesterday weddings and today, babies!) She had better named it after me.
9:22 am
The Bio temp is telling me off. I think she thinks I’m just some lazy bum who does nothing but bum around getting bummer marks. Oh, my gosh! She thinks I’m Izaq! Well... she’s dead wrong! I’m Chelsea. =.=”
Chelsea. Chel-sea. Don’t you know who and what Chelsea defines? Yeah well, I’m trying to figure that out myself, thanks a lot.
9:26 am
Bloody hell! She does think I’m dumb! As in... marks-ranging-from-Ds-and-Fs-and-darling-two-and-two-don’t-make-twenty-two kind of dumb. WHAT THE HELL?
9:28 am
Okay, I’m pissed now. Uh-huh. She thinks I’m... dumb! Hey! If I were actually dumb, wouldn’t you think I’d have had a real hard time getting into the SCIENCE stream, or rather, even getting away with 6As, a B for PMB?!
Hmpff. I’m gonna show her. I’m gonna do what Izaq’s gonna do for the next Chemistry test. I’m gonna get 102% for the next Bio test!
“Dude. I’m gonna get 102% for Biology. That’ll show her.”
“We’re so cool; we defy the laws of Physics. Uh-huh!”
We even altered the school pledge. It starts off like this:
“We, the students of [insert school name here], pledge allegiance to Chelsea and Izaq, and their greatness...”
Well, I can leave the rest up to your imagination.
9:55 am
“My thinking ability died a long time ago. I don’t think anymore, I do. I’m so great, I don’t even need to think!” says Izaq.
Self-centred much? I’m kidding Zaq. But seriously...
9:57 am
I am NOT stupid! She talks to me like I’m more confused than “a 15 year old boy who just woke up on his grandparents’ front porch butt naked”. Well, I’ve never been so insulted. All I did was show up 20 minutes late for class today, got caught (unfortunately) talking in the middle of her lectures and I’m class doofus of the day. Honestly. She’s treating me like I’m... Izaq!
10:04 am
We just handed in our Bio classwork and I’m so gonna get an A. Oh, my gosh, I just had a bad thought.
Chels: An A! HAH! LOOK WHO’S SLACKIN’ OFF NOW!
Bio Temp: You should thank your seatmate, Izaq, for helping you out with the answers.
Chels: WHAT? HE DID NOT—ARRRGGHHHHH! I’M NOT DUMB!
[seconds pass]
Chels: Zaq, what did you get?
Izaq: I got a C.
Chels: Gimme that! [snatches paper, shoves it in front of temp’s nose] HAH! He got a C! How can you say that I got my answers from him?
Temp: Because Izaq is decent enough to help you out that he forgot to help himself out.
Chels: ...
-Break ensues-
12:05 nn
This is the part where I go hungry. Again. It’s 9th period BM and nope, my chosen attitude towards the subject has yet to change, uh-huh. I still think it’s an awful waste of precious, precious, limited time. Right now we’re supposedly discussing poetry.
POETRY. FOR BM. You’re kidding me right? If BM was hell, the flames have just intensified.
12:09 nn
Still hungry.
12:10 nn
...with a taste of your lips I’m on a ride....
Don’t even ask me why that song is in my head right now ‘cause I don’t even know!
Oh hey, my Pollution Theory applies here! When there’s nothing decent in your head, unnecessary garbage fills it up instead. It works, it actually does. Whoa. That should be like one of the laws of Physics and I oughta to win a Nobel.
12:13 nn
“Can you take me back to the person I used to be? Back when you were there for me. I know it seems like forever, but do me this favour please. Way back when we were stupid and held grudges just to help us sleep. Oh, my God, how ridiculous were we?”
-A Rocket to The Moon
Now that particular chorus is playing, skip, skip, repeating in my head. Brilliant song. Back when you were there for me...
12:16 nn
Did teachers just say Prozac?
12:17 nn
What the hell is Prozac anyway?
12:18 nn
Is Prozac some sort of food? Sorry, I’m just awfully hungry right now, just like any other irregular school day.
12:20 nn
DISMISSAL! Cheers.
Labels: people, quotes, school, things that piss me off
“Just remember... if the world didn’t suck, we’d all just fall off.”
-Trevor Myers
****
“Teachers are those who help us in resolving problems, which, without them, we wouldn’t have in the first place.”
Darn, darn, darn that essay writing competition. You see, I was forced, yes, forced, into this competition surprisingly, as decent as I am at writing, I’m lousy when it comes to actually competing. Maybe it’s the nerves, I dunno, but I just can’t write anything decent if it involves other people and awards, no sir. But the point is that my writing skills have been knocked senseless right now. At least... I think it’s knocked senseless.
Anything that’s close to being decorous has left my brain ever since last week. Teacher English made me join this competition and so I grudgingly consented to do it. After about 500 words into the essay, I stopped clean dead. I don’t know. I just became so speechless. Speechless in writing, that is. All the ideas, all the words, they just seemed to... disappear off to someplace where I can’t grasp ‘em. WHERE’D YOU GO? God, send me some inspiration please!
****
Happy 16th Birthday to both Rebecca and Zim Z. :D:D
Love. (:
****
The skin on my arms is now one shade darker. I think. Or maybe it was already that much tanned and I just haven’t noticed. Well if it is, I blame the school, I have to bloody stand in the bloody heat during bloody assembly simply because nobody bothered making the shed wide enough to give shade to those who oh-so-unfortunately find themselves standing in the back of the line, like myself for example. Well, I suppose it must be better than standing in the front where it’s mighty stuffy.
We went to the stadium this morning, spending several arduous hours getting roasted alive. Thank God for clouds and Clear Water Sunblock SPF 50+. We spent all morning playing hide-and-seek with the sun. Frankly, I’d rather it hide behind the seemingly thick clouds and not show up until after we’re over and done with practice. Sounds like a pretty good deal to me.
Was pretty much very exhausted when we got back to school; thank God we had free period during POA, I had a quick nap. Yeah, I pretty much have the inept skill to fall asleep anywhere. Any-frigging-where. As long as I’m bushed, I can sleep, no matter if it’s on a wheelie chair, on someone’s shoulder, on the floor, on cement, in a parking lot, on the stairs, in public, whatever. Pretty handy especially when a decent bed is hours away.
****
“..You can fall from the sky, you can fall from a tree, but the best way to fall is in love with me.”
-Unknown
That is one kickass quote.
Valentine’s Day is just a couple of days far. I’ve never really had a proper Valentine before to be honest. Well I did have ‘Valentines’ but not really one who bothered giving me roses, chocolates or stuffed animals from Euro Classic. But hey, could be something different this year.
I have a couple of Valentines actually. Unofficial & official. Officially, it’s Joel LapLap. Haha, yes, unceremoniously, he just asked me. Not that I like him or anything, geez, no, I haven’t even ever talked to the lad in person. But whatever. And my unofficial Valentine? Shouldn’t be too hard to figure that one out.
So Mickko, Kiks, Rona & I are going out this weekend and so are a bunch of other kids I bet. It had better be epic.
Labels: N-Day, people, quotes, school, Valentine's
Labels: Christmas, good times, parties, quotes