How, I would love to know. Because right now, I’m really and utterly confused, more than ever. I just don’t know what to do or say or even feel, for that matter, anymore. I just don’t know.

I don’t know if it’s faith that I still believe in you, hold on for you, fight on for you when the facts are splattered everywhere, across her face, across her words, across your own words, across her face, across yours, across her actions, across the world, even on to the opposite side of the earth. Everywhere. And for some stupid, stupid reason, I choose to ignore that. I choose to ignore reality, believing that one day, things will turn around for me.

Now tell me... is that faith? Or stupidity? I don’t even know anymore. I’m sorry to say this, but things are becoming clear. The images have focused, they’re sharp images, so sharp, they pierce right through me. Right through me. They’re focused sharp, sharp on my chest, onto that little beating thing we call a ‘heart’.

But hey, I can’t ignore fact any longer, I can’t play pretend. I’m not losing faith, I’ll just let go. I’ll forget about these three months. It’ll be like I never happened. Like I never existed. I won’t ignore truth any longer; I won’t ignore fact because I’m starting to think that this is ignorance.

I had a lot of faith in you, I really did. I had faith in your words, in your actions. I thought I knew. But there we go again, ignorance. I thought I knew. For the second time tonight, you’ve proved someone wrong. I mean, what was I thinking? That you would actually see me in that particular way? Yeah. I guess I did. But again, I stand alone corrected. I’m not worth your troubles any longer.

They say it’s not faith if you use your eyes. I closed my eyes, but that didn’t block out the sound of reality. That didn’t block out the sound of your voice and the meaning of the words your voice brought. I closed my eyes, but that didn’t close over the doubt that’s actual fact. I closed my eyes and prayed. But maybe, you’re not answer to my prayers. You were the answer to theirs. Not to mine.

Maybe it is time I let go. It must be. It’ll be like I never happened and I’m sorry for hindering you, all of you. I’m sorry for causing all this, I’m sorry I ever happened. I’m sorry. But now, it’ll be like it never happened. Like I never happened. It’s what all of you want right? Shut up and don’t tell me it’s not. Now I’m being the answer to your prayers.

And no, I won’t hold grudges, I won’t hold resentment. Like I said, it’ll be as if I never happened. I’ll be the saint for tonight.