19-Feb-09 10:16 PM Chuan
Going to the mall tomorrow, Nina’s orders. Get to Neo at 3.
19-Feb-09 10:17 PM Nina
People, mall tomorrow. Chuan’s idea.
19-Feb-09 10:18 PM Chuan
Not going to the mall, Joe’s busy. Sorry, Nina.
10:48 PM; 19th February
And that is how volatile life can be. One second you’re going, next second you’re not. One second, life’s perfect bliss, the next, you wish you’d just disappear off of the face of this earth. One second, everything’s going according to plan, next second, you’re struggling for a Plan B. One second—
It is now 12.30 noon on the 20th of February. Yep. As to why there was a huge time gap, my mom was nagging at me ever so annoyingly to get to bed. My parents often complain about me being devoid of sleep, but whenever I sleep in till noon time (that would give me about a good 12 hours of sleep), they get mighty, mighty pissed. Gee, parents. I can never understand them. [shrugs]
But going back to the point of this entry, this simply proves how fickle life is. One second, you’re writing your next entry, absolutely certain you can post it up in 15 minutes, and the next second, you’re in your bed, sulking, wondering when you lost the right to stay up late.
One second, you have the world in your hands, the next; you realize that the world doesn’t belong to you at all. One second, you’re on the streets, abandoned and cold, and the next, you’ve found home, thinking you’ll never leave. In that second, you finally found home, but the next, you’re out on the streets once again, rained on.
One second, you find everything you ever wanted in the palm of your hands, the next second; it all falls away from the space between your fingers. One second, you’ve found someone who filled in your gaps, who filled the holes in you perfectly, and the next second, they leave, and consequently, you find holes, bigger holes, in you once again. One second, you think that you’ve found the best part of yourself, and the next second, you find yourself kissing that part of you goodbye.
Life is just so... unstable. So, is it true when they say, good things can never last forever? I have yet to find out. I refuse to believe that forever doesn’t exist. I refuse to believe that things can be ended ever so easily. I refuse to believe that marriages don’t last forever; I refuse to believe that people would really leave you. I refuse to believe in the end of friendships, in the end of life. I refuse to believe in the absolute end of all good things. In the end of things that meant the world to you. In the end of all things home. I refuse to believe that you can lose everything in a split second. I refuse to believe in the unhappy end to things.
I don’t reckon it’s denial. I just refuse to believe that God would leave us a miserable heap of what has been. Someday, everything will be alright. Someday, we’ll forever find ourselves in that first second, the one, where everything’s perfect. Where you won’t lose home, where you won’t have to struggle for a Plan B. Where you wouldn’t have to fight for anything because everyone knows it’s all yours. The one second where you have the world and it belongs to you, and only you. Someday, I’ll find myself in that second. Someday, I’ll find home once again.
Labels: personal things