..All I’ve ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you... How can I find myself so confused..? I’m obsessed and stressed with this mess... It seems every song out there explains my quandary. Take the pain out of love and love won’t exist... You might as well write me down as lethargic right now... To be loved, everyone wants to be... It rains well enough to echo my mood. Now there’s something I can do nothing about... Absolutely nothing at all... What more could you ask for?
It’s exactly 12 noon and where the sun is supposed to be out and blinding, rain falls as it reclines behind the grayest of clouds of the upper atmosphere of the sky, depressingly mirroring my mood... gray. It’s freezing in this classroom and I’m feeling cold inside and out. I might fall asleep as well (due to the subject which has failed yet again to capture my attention) and the only thing that’s keeping me awake is singing Jeff Buckley’s Hallelujah over and over till dismissal. Gee. I could freeze into a human Popsicle stick mid-song right now in front of 30 other people, who, unfairly, aren’t feeling the least bit frigid as I am right now.
Mild depression2 + the freezing cold weather + the feeling of immense lethargy = Monday grays. A phenomenon I haven’t ever experienced till today. Yes, something is bothering me, do you mind? And as bad as it sounds, there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.
-12.07 pm, 8th Period BM
****
Still feeling a little gloomy, I think that was pretty much very apparent today in school. I mean, I guess it’s highly clear when I’m down since it’s a huge contrast to my usually very sunny disposition. Today, where I would normally be making loud conversation about whatever with my mates, I sat down and looked pallid instead. Yeah, no, don’t ask why.
And it didn’t help that I froze to the brink of turning into an icicle with feet and arms all day. Raining heavily outside, air-con on max on the inside equals to deathly temperatures for me. Nobody else felt even a just a little bit frosty. It’s true when you feel down; your immune system will go down as well.
I was hugging myself the whole day (people who didn't know any better must've thought I loved myself too much or something), pulling my sleeves down to my fingers which otherwise would’ve been high up above my elbows (“Chels! What happened to you? You’re sleeves are down,” complains Izaq, “Wow, Chels, you look so neat today, it’s not normal” says Richelle), I looked so much neater than usual it was bizarre to everyone else. That must mean I must look rather scruffy on regular days.
All the others said about my reaction to the weather was that “needed more fats” and they’d be “happy to transfer some of theirs to my skinny body”. Thanks for the offer, but I think I’m just gonna bring a jacket tomorrow rather than have someone liposuction their excess blubber into my arse. Yuck.
Yes, I do suppose I wasn’t my regular sunshiny me today. It’ll probably be gone tomorrow. Who knows? Sun’s gone and so am I.
Labels: personal things, school