Five years. Five horrendously long years. He waited that long. How was that supposed to make me feel when I told him right to his face that it’s weird if we were together? Man, I can be so crude sometimes. 5 years. Just imagine how I feel and how I made him feel. Sigh. God, I feel really, REALLY bad. It’s eating me inside. Fruck. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Remember the bestfriend I told you about in Honestly (Saturday 15th March)? Well, I confronted him about the rumors going on and he said…well, I can’t write it down. I feel very bad enough already. But what I said, it hurt him a lot, and as much as it hurt him hearing those words, it hurt more when I had to say it. It made me feel really bad when he told me he turned down a lot of girls just so…well, you know. Plus I told him there were a billion girls out there who’d love him more than I would and it made me feel even worse when his friend said that among all of them he chose me. Sigh. I am so sorry. If you’re reading right now, I just want to let you know that inside I’m dying. I really am. But maybe, just maybe, one day. Maybe one day, for all I know, maybe one day…we could be.
I wrote this song down; it’s called Three Cheers for Five Years by May Day Parade. I sort of figured that maybe you felt like this, and I kind of feel like the girl he talks about in this song. I’m sorry for hurting you. I really am. I feel really bad, you have no idea. Love, I swear it hurts like crap.
“..I swear that you don’t have to go
I thought we could wait for the fireworks
I thought we could wait for the snow, to wash over Georgia and kill the hurt
I thought I could live in your arms
And spend every moment I have with you
Stay up all night with the stars
Confess all the faith that I had in you
I had in you
Too late, I’m sure and lonely
It’s just another night, another dream wasted on you
Just be here now against me
You know the words, so sing along for me baby
For heaven’s sake I know you're sorry (I really am)
But you won't stop crying
This anniversary may never be the same
Inside I hope you know im dying, with my heart beside me
In shattered pieces that may never be replaced
And if I died right now, you'd never be the same
I thought with a month of apart, together would find us an opening
And moonlight would provide the spark
And that I would stumble across the key, or break down the door to your heart
Forever could see us not you and me
And you'd help me out of the dark
And I’d give my heart as an offering
Too late, I’m sure and lonely
Another night, another dream wasted on you
So just be here now against me
You know the words, so sing along for me baby
For heaven’s sake I know you're sorry
But you won't stop crying
This anniversary may never be the same
Inside I hope you know I’m dying, with my heart beside me
In shattered pieces that may never be replaced
And if I died right now, you'd never be the same
And I will always remember you as you are right now to me
And I will always remember you now
Remember you now
So sleep alone tonight
With no one here just by your side
Sleep alone tonight
How does he feel?
How does he kiss?
How does he taste while he’s on your lips
I can’t forget you
I know you want me to want you
I want to
But I can’t forget you
So when this is over don’t blow your composure baby
I can’t forget you
I know you want me to want you
I want to...”
How did they know to write this song? How did they know we’d feel exactly like this one day? How did they know to make the title ‘Three Cheers for Five Years’? Exactly how long you’ve waited. And was it a coincidence I heard this song just right before all this happened? How? Can we put this all behind us and carry on life as we know it? Can we?
This is all that bloody Robert De Nero look-alike’s fault. SCREW HIM. HE EFFED UP EVERYTHING. It was NOT supposed to be like this. Man, I just can’t wait to see that smile on your face again, and that funny laugh I always hear from you. Really.
Labels: deep stuff, people