“Another night, another dream wasted on you.” –Mayday Parade

No longer.

It’s finally over, I’ve completely, entirely and finally moved on. It’s not like we ever were, but I’ve finally gotten over the fact that we probably never will be. Finally, after 9 long months of waiting, I’ve decided to get a move on and take the next steps forward.

No more getting over-ecstatic when you talk to me, say hi to or smile at me, no more getting crushed whenever you don’t, no more late nights thinking about what you did or didn’t do that day, no more refusing to get out of bed just to relive yesterday’s conversation, no more you running through my dreams every night, no more walking around the school at break while my friends beg me to sit down, just to catch a glimpse of you, no more, no more over-analyzing every single detail of our last encounter, no more writing lyrics about how I feel, no more going completely blank in class because my head was filled with thoughts, no more tearing out in frustration whenever I blow my chance of talking to you, no more enduring the stupid heat at assembly just to talk to you, no more. Not anymore.

I’m glad that’s finally over. I can’t say I would have my best days & happiest moments if I hadn’t fallen for you, honestly, it felt great. But I have to remind myself that it was also the main reason I’d feel donwncasted and incredibly moody at times. I want to thank you; I owe the best days of this year to you even though you never knew that you did.

What a pity, all those thoughts, dreams, all those times, those nights simply wasted. It was my fault anyway, how could I lead myself to believe that I had a chance when in fact I didn’t? How stupid. How could I let that Cupid hit me with his automatic and just leave the arrows in there, not even bothering to pull it out? But now I have. I’ve taken the last arrow by the end and pulled it out. Not this time Cupid.

I’m glad I’ve finally been woken up, and you seem happy so all I have to do is be happy for you and be happy myself. And I am. I’m great now. I don’t have anything against you and at least now I can get by each day without having to cope with my heart beat accelerating whenever I see your face.

To break the melodramatic & melancholy edge of this entry, I’d say it feels freaking awesome, to be able to start over with someone else. And yeah, there is someone else. Has been actually. If you know what I mean, haha. Oh, Cupid, what else could you live for?

Labels: personal things